Someone asked me why, when things are coming together and the exact things you say you want are about to happen, do you start to feel so uneasy about it? Tune in to hear the answer and how to deal with with it!
Have you noticed yourself self-sabotaging when things were going really well for you? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. If you found the ideas in this post useful I would be honoured if you shared it with your network.
This was originally recorded as a Facebook Live in response to the question I was asked, so isn’t as polished, but the information is still valuable so I wanted to share.
– – Hello my lovely friends, it’s Dr. Sally Graddon, the Life Balance Doctor here.
I am here to answer a question that I was asked in my Facebook group. I was asked why, when things that you say you really want to achieve – the dreams that you’ve held for a really long time – when those things start happening and when they start getting close and you know they can happen, why is it that you suddenly start feeling really worried about them? Why do you suddenly start feeling anxious and nervous and as though you just don’t want to do it anymore?
It’s something that is so, so common, and it happens because your subconscious is trying to protect you. We have evolved over a very, very long time to live in a world where we needed to look after ourselves, where we needed to protect ourselves. And so our subconscious tries to keep us safe.
When we do anything that disrupts that status quo, when it threatens our stability and what we currently know to be true about ourselves and the world around us, we freak out.
Once you have made sure that you aren’t in any true danger (for example, if you have reason to believe that a client isn’t going to pay you, or if you are fearful for your safety or security), the question that you need to ask yourself is:
‘What am I afraid of?’
Because it all comes back to fear. It comes back to that fear of change, of disrupting what you’re used to. So I really encourage you to look within – you have all of the answers to this question inside you. All you need to do is tease them out, and there are several ways of doing that.
One is to journal, another is to meditate, and another is to talk to somebody you trust and just pour it out. Better still, talk to your coach if you have one, or get a coach and dive deep and dig out all of these things, because I can guarantee they’ll keep coming up time and time again over the years if you don’t really deal with them. And even if you do deal with them, when you reach another level, then they tend to come bubbling up again, but at least you will have learnt the tools to how to deal with them properly!
So, ask yourself:
‘What am I afraid of?’
‘What am I afraid is going to change?’
‘What am I afraid is going to happen when I do this, when this happens?’
The answers that you come up with may seem completely preposterous, but respect them and take them seriously.
‘Am I afraid that if I make lots of money now that my husband might leave me?’
‘Am I afraid that if I take this job and am suddenly really successful, am I going to have to travel loads, and what does that mean for me and my family?’
‘Am I worried that I’m going to have to leave my child, or that something else is going to happen that I don’t want?’
Really dig deep into your fears and see what comes up.
When you ask yourself that question you will find that everything will come to the surface if you’re prepared to let it. And once you can answer it honestly and truthfully, you will uncover what it is that’s holding you back and you’ll be able to release it, because as soon as we shine a light on these things, as soon as we highlight them they can’t survive. The fears will start to evaporate and you’ll be able to deal with them.
This is something which affects everyone. I’ve gone through this and everybody I know has.
Let me know how it goes. I am confident that if you do dive into it you will work out what the root cause of your self-sabotage is, which will allow you to deal with it.
Suddenly won’t feel so big and scary anymore.
I hope that helps, so let me know how it goes and if anybody would like to talk to me some more about how I can help you clear these blocks and really dig into what’s holding you back from achieving everything that you’ve ever dreamed of then get in touch and we can chat.
Take care my lovelies, bye bye.
Dr Sally Graddon
The Life Balance Doctor
I help doctors to find balance, reconnect with the things that are truly important to them and create a life that makes them light up as they Dare to Dream of a life outside of medicine!
As a former doctor and now mother of three, I know only too well the challenges of trying to balance career and family life, and I feel incredibly privileged to help others create a life they love, as I have done myself.
Send me a message to find out more about working with me. I look forward to 'meeting' you!
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